Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
