theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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