the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
