she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Your penis caused this!
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