I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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