I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
