dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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