I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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