I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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