I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
