real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
