we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We just shotgunned beers for America
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
