I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
