i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
