all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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