Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
