We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
