I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
