I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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