If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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