The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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