just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
