I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
