Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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