haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
