I wannas sexs uuuuu
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
