this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
