But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
