Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
