Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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