I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
