Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
