I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
