I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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