Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize