it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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