Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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