Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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