Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
