we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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