Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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