Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
