lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
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