If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can't turn off my feet"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
