Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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