Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
