Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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