He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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