I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
