btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
