last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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