You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
