I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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