how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
