You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
