it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
