Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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