Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
