I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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