New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize