I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
