I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
