I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
