I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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