i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize