I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
