are you still at the devil's house?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
