I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
