Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
