look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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