Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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