how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
