DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
