A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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