everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
