It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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