that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
