what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
