I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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