I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
